Do+Humans+Have+Obligations+to+the+Environment+and+Future+Generations?-Rough+Draft

Do Humans Have Obligations to the Environment and Future Generations? Ruth N. Castillo Escuela Internacional Sampedrana

Every single organism in the world is interconnected. What happens to one (any single organism? or humans?), inevitably affects the other in the long run, and this definitely involves humans. (awk) ( be more specific, what do you mean?) (Setence Structure should be rearranged) (I think this is okay...) We share a food chain with all the other organisms living in this (omit this) earth, one that if disrupted, can seriously affect our economies and qualities of life. (? not sure what you are trying to say) (agree with Jose) If we want to ensure our quality of life in the future, we must preserve the environment for our children to have a better place to live than we now have and to ensure the survival of our species. If we continue to destroy the environment, we are contributing to the Sixth Planetary Extinction (nice reference, you could define this) (explain what is "sixth planetary extinction), placing the survival of our species is at risk, and leaving us with an uncertain tomorrow. Human beings therefore have a moral obligation to preserve the environment for future generations to ensure human survival and a favorable quality of life. (I like this sentence structure and they way to summarize the paragraph.)

First of all, we have to realize something that is very important in our world. __This is__ (perhaps omit this underlined part and combine with sentence 2) that every little change matters. (awk) (Perhaps combine the first 2 sentences?) A single, seemingly insignificant action can change circumstances drastically. (awk) (awk) For example, the human body’s reproduction cells develop in a very delicate environment, and the slightest change in it can affect the cells. “A change can result in the fertilization of the egg by a different sperm,” causing the creation of a different person that what the situation originally was going to create. According to Derek Parfit’s thesis, our intervention in the environme​nt will make a sufficient impact to assure that different people will be born from those who would have been born if our intervention were lacking. (D’Amato, 1990) (place a period after the citation.) Also, this doesn’t apply just to this fact. (awk) In any situation, a small change will cause a drastic difference in the future, and the repercussions will be very unfavorable. Hence, we have a moral obligation to preserve the environment because we cannot act in any situation where our actions would leave others and future generations worse off. It is our duty to cultivate our natural sense of obligation in order to not act wastefully, this being for our own benefit. (Explain thoroughly to prevent confusion, perhaps rephrase)( where is your thesis? It does not seem clear to me)

(You should start with another word instead of "another.") Another factor we have to consider is the food chain. This is of major importance for our survival and if disrupted, we and all other organisms can suffer disastrous consequences. (awk) (awk) Currently, we are facing problems of resource depletion, but these problems we have caused upon ourselves.( awk sentence structure ) In order to try and save the world from this mass ive Sixth Extinction (What is a Sixth Extinction? specify), “we ought to try to preserve those species that have been driven to the brink of extinction by human activities and that we should make sure that no additional species are endangered or threatened by our behavior.” (Michael, 2005) We humans have put forth the Sixth Extinction by the transformation of landscape through means such as deforestation, overexploitation of species, over population, pollution, and the introduction of alien species. Soon Earth’s carrying capacity will come to its limit and there will not be enough food and resources for all of Earth’s inhabitants. If we would only have this issue to worry about, then our future wouldn’t look so bad. But with the increasing loss of biodiversity, the picture is very different, one that few are happy to imagine. Also, every hour, approximately three species become extinct. At this rate, the world will be in deplorable (wc) conditions less than 60 years from now {Citation needed here}1268970416 if we continue to diminish resources. (awk) (awkward sentence structure) (i think this sentence's okay)

All of the current environmental problems we have caused, such as pollution, deforestation, and the result of all environmental problems, global warming, have a strong impact on our quality of life, and with the current ongoing natural disasters, such as earthquakes, storms and tsunamis, we are starting to experience the effects of our destruction. (run-on) (Can use semicolons and some should be completely separated into new sentences.) Countries’ economies are being affected because of this, and these issues have come to the attention of international politic ians. Organizations are now putting forth the ratification of treaties such as the United Nations Convention on Biological Diversity, (start new sent.) scientists and politicians call upon others to take concern for the situation and join efforts to preserve threatened habitats and endangered species. (Picard, n.d.) United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has called upon others to take action. “Our lives depend on biological diversity. Species and ecosystems are disappearing at an unsustainable rate. We humans are the cause. We stand to lose a wide variety of environmental goods and services that we take for granted. The consequences for economies and people will be profound, especially for the world’s poorest people. In 2002, world leaders agreed to substantially reduce the rate of biodiversity loss.” (Moon, n.d.) World leaders know that we are at the brink of a great disaster if we don’t take action. ( you could say: an example) __Another world leader__ to call for action is European Union Commission President José Manuel Durão Barroso. He stated during his speech at the Conference of the Parties to the Convention on Biological Diversity that “the loss of biological diversity in the world poses a great threat that is being exacerbated by climate change. It threatens our life, natural environment, thus, the foundation of our quality of life and it underpins our economies which constitute the much more direct life-support system on which human well-being depends. We cannot afford to deplete our natural capital in this way….We have to find a way of living in a sustainable harmony with nature. We have a moral obligation to be careful stewards of the planet for future generations.” (Barroso, 2008) In order to provide future generations with a better world, and ensure our survival as a species, we must take action to decrease and eventually stop the damage we have caused. (Citations are good but make sure you dont lose the focus of the paragraph) (I agree, the citations strengthen your essay but also focus on what you're trying to convey.)

However, some people have an opulent model perspective in response to an asserted environmental obligation to future generations. ( Perfect sentence to start a paragraph with opposing views.) This opulent model is one of Georgetown University International Environmental Law professor, Edith Brown Weiss’ three different approaches one might take in response to an asserted environmental obligation to future generations. (syntax, re-structure) This perspective “denies any such obligation and permits present extravagance and waste.” (D’Amato, 1990) Others are caught up in self interest and they divorce from nature and believe they have dominion and total control over other organisms; they believe humans are omnipotent. This is called stewardship, and it appoints humans as sole custodians of biodiversity. (Picard, n.d.) Another group takes a position in which they believe that what is currently happening is just another usual natural phenomenon. These people definitely are not realizing they are contributing to their own destruction. We (humans and all other organisms) are governed by the same natural laws and we must remember we are part of nature; __we humans affect other organisms and they also affect us.__ __(awk of too m "we humans")__ The people who have these points of view disregard the fact that we are entering the Sixth Extinction because of men’s excess and that if they do nothing about it, they will also be part of this extinction. They believe humans are omnipotent and above all other creatures, but in reality we all share the same earth and the same environment, and whatever happens to it, will charge on us too. (Again, make sure you dont lose the focus of the paragraph. Always ask yourself, So what? Does this support my thesis?) (Obejctions and oppositions to the objections should be written clearler. )

Humans, ever since they put foot on Earth (awk), ( rephrase) have caused little changes in the environment that now result in the current situation we are facing. Our destructive, selfish and greedy nature has devastated entire ecosystems and species, giving rise to problems such as pollution, deforestation and climate change, which are undeniably affecting us humans. Because of it, countries’ economies are being affected and human quality of life is decreasing. The most affected nations are the poorest ones, bringing their quality of life even lower than that of the rest of the world. We are facing difficult challenges, and this is why we humans have a moral obligation to preserve the environment for future generations. . We must prevent falling into a deep world crisis, deeper that the one we face now. If we stand with arms crossed, we will feel the effects of natural disasters, low economy and poor health at greater levels than we would if we all switch our mind sets to an environmentally proactive one and start to make a change. (I don't get this sentence....) (the sentence is too long) We cannot morally permit ourselves to have our children live in a world worse off than the one we live in, and it is our duty as citizens of the world to save our only home. (awk) (okay)

The best way to improve your essay is to try and take some of your arguments and put them in the form of a syllogism. (Don't laugh, or cry -- it will actually help.) You want to be able to convey your arguments very very clearly. The best way to do that is to try and restate them with Premise 1, Premise 2, Premise 3..... Conclusion. Most of your arguments will probably take the form of a mixed or pure hypothetical. Try rewriting parts of your essay where these arguments are presented in this form, and then test for validity.

You will also want to present stronger arguments against your thesis. It is probably not hard to find such arguments, just look into Fox News websites.

You have many good comments by your peers, but if you pay attention to their suggestions, and strengthen your arguments by making them more clear, your essay will improve a lot. It's a good start. 1268970416

References

D'Amato, A. (1990). Do We Owe a Duty to Future Generations to Preserve the Global Environment?. //American Journal of International Law//, //84//. Retrieved February 26, 2010, from http://anthonydamato.law.northwestern.edu/Adobefiles/a90c-duty.pdf

D, Barroso, J. M. (Director) (2008, May 28). Biodiversity: We Have a Moral Obligation. //Conference of the Parties to the Convention on Biological Diversity//. Lecture conducted from Angela Merkel, n.d.

Michael, M. (2005). Is It Natural to Drive Species to Extinction?. //Ethics and the Environment//, //10//, 49-66.

New Press, T. A. (n.d.). The Sixth Extinction (ActionBioscience). //ActionBioscience - promoting bioscience literacy//. Retrieved February 26, 2010, from http://www.actionbioscience.org/newfrontiers/eldredge2.html

Picard, K. (0). Biodiversity and Ethics: Do We Have a Responsibility to Preserve?. //University Journal//, //n.d.//, 44-46. Retrieved February 26, 2010, from http://bama.ua.edu/~joshua/archive/aug06/Kathryn%20Picard.pdf

d., n. (Director). (2010). //Welcome// [Slide program]. n.d.: United Nations.

(General Comments Introduction: Overall the introduction is effective for a rough draft. The writer should have in mind that to increase the level of effectiveness in the introduction, she should expand her claims further with appropriate details. Body: the arguments are well constructed and several pieces of concrete evidence are used. This essay is good but has issues with syntax. There are a lot of sentences that are structured in an awkward manner. Read your essay out loud so you can detect awkward sentences. Conclusion: I feel like the conclusion is perhaps what needs the most work. I feel it is a little detached to the purpose of the essay. You should consider adding more references to your arguments in the conclusion. Keep up the good work! 1268511284 VERY good essay overall, information is clear and concise. Work on restructuring thesis statement and rephrasing some words and phrases, other than that, excellent. 1268695047SHEILA SIERRA This essay could be read fluently if some awkward structured sentences are improved. Some awkward sentences seem to block the flow and interfere with the understanding of the essay. Your idea could be clearer by improving them. The supporting resources are very strong. 1268758889 I like your essay. It is a good topic to argue in an ethical point. There are some run on and awkwardly structured sentences to be improved. Most of sources and quotes support the idea. 1268778280

The essay is overall interesting. I can see that you are very passionate about this topic. There are many details and evidence that support your essay and this is of great advantage. There are some minor mistakes of sentence fragment error or grammatical error that should be corrected. And also, don't forget to stay focused on the idea for every paragraph. By: Eun Young Jeon

== __Strengths__: Fluent and logical. Minor grammatical errors that don’t interfere with conveying your point of view. Thesis statement is clear: Human beings therefore have a moral obligation to preserve the environment for future generations to ensure human survival and a favorable quality of life. Good sources as well. ==

__Weaknesses__: Counterarguments are your weakest spot. These don’t stand up, they were difficult to locate and seem not to be strong enough. They don’t seem to challenge your arguments.
== __Other observations__: I think it would be a good idea to paraphrase your long quotes about the Sixth Extinction and the words by Ki-moon. It gives me the impression that other readers can misinterpret your long quotes and think you were just lazy and to fill in space just threw in large quotes. I know this is not the case and that is why I am suggesting you to paraphrase instead of leaving your information in direct quotes. When quotes take more two lines I believe it is goo to paraphrase. You would still give the author credit and it will look more professional, showing you did your research. ==

Also, I believe you should use another example in the second paragraph (about the fertilization of the egg) because I think it distracts the reader from the main idea of your essay as a whole.
== __Grammatical Suggestions__: My grammar corrections I will give to you personally. I printed out a hard copy of your rough draft and made my grammar suggestions there to make it easier for you to follow along. 1268796608 ==