SHEILA+SIERRA's+philosophy+essay



You'll want to cut and paste your rough draft here so people can read it without opening up the document. That was they can do peer evaluations too. 1268763005

Less than 800 words is a bit short for a rough draft. Review your APA formatting, especially how you embed quotes. You also might consider revising your thesis as the controversy is not if stem cells should be used but how they are harvested, which has traditionally been from aborted fetus or discarded embryos. New ways to develop stem cells have been discovered recently, but stem cells from discarded human embryos still remains the best way to get the most effective stem cells. So, pro-life / anti-abortion proponents argue that stem cells that come from such a source is not ethical since it technically involves the termination of a potential human life, ie. that of the human embryo. There are some who believe that every embryo created by fertility clinics ought to be allowed to grow into a full human, and that discarding them is also not ethical. That is the real crux of the controversy that your paper needs to address. 1268954418 = =  Stem cell Research- The ethics behind the issue Sheila Sierra As new technology has __aroused__, (risen) so have new techniques, such that make life better for most of humanity (reword sentence). **[ It would be beneficial to state the techniques ]** One big ** (wc) ** (An) example of the contemporary era is stem cell research. //“A stem cell is a "generic" cell that can make exact copies of itself indefinitely//.” (Healthline, 2010) Although this issue is controversial today, it brings many benefits to the individuals who depend on this source to save their lives. **[ You can do explain which benefits to make it more credible]** This newly discovered medical process promises the best results for the sick people, in which many lives are saved and the rates of survival are higher. (source?) The controversial question is whether or not this issue is unethical. __Based on the characteristics of this research, it is not unethical due to the benefits it brings to many individuals who have acquired treatment.__ DON'T UNDERLINE YOUR THESIS, AFTERALL, YOUR THESIS SHOULD BE CLEARLY STATED WHEN READ BY YOUR PEERS AND OTHERS. Stem cell research has benefitted many lives before and it will keep on helping many lives. (eliminate) Ever since stem cells were discovered in human cord blood in 1978, ( IT, substitute: the stem cell research) has brought many promises for humanity. ** (rephrase this last part as: many promises were brought to humanity.) ** It is a research that has saved many lives since it is a process that replaces bad ** (WC; defectuose might be better?) ** cells in the body with new ones; they are regenerated (evidence of where you found this information) (eliminate) ** (don't eliminate! some people might not know what happens when stem cells inserted) **. //“Survival rates were highest (33 percent) for those bone marrow transplants with matched unrelated donors.”//(Sciencedaily, 2004) The survival rates for patients have increased ever since stem cell research is available through bone marrow transplant. //“Scientists are exploring less controversial avenues of research, using adult stem cells that are trained to act like embryonic stem cells.”// (Watson) (don't forget to state the year when properly citing!) (who is Watson?) ** (Watson is the author of that quote!) ** It is an ethical procedure since researchers and scientists are trying new, (UNHARMFUL instead of: non harmful) ways to perform these studies and cure diseases. **[ You can tell some of these diseases and how they can be cured]** To demonstrate the ethics in this process, doctors will test potential drugs and medicines without the use of animal and human testers, there will be no more hurting (word choice) animals and humans, which increases the virtue ethics of this situation (rephrase sentence) (awk) ** (rephrase as in: ...and human testers, reducing the ethical controversy.) ** With this “new discovery,” limbs and organs can be grown in a lab all by ( itself instead of themselves), outside of a body (awk) (it would be better to rephrase this entire sentence). //“ Limbs and organs could be grown in a lab from stem cells and then used in transplants or to help treat illnesses.” // (Buzzle, 2010) **.** This advance (advancements) (if you use advancements then change this to these and benefits to benefit) benefits everyone, especially those who act “morally correct.” define morally correct and the difference morals have in each society **, agree: who is 'those'? HOW do they act morally correct? ** This research is working positively today, and it promises even more for the future of the sick (wc). // “ Of course, there are dozens of other diseases stem cell research is also working on, including treatments for cancer and cardiovascular issues, vision or ocular (you should include one or the other because they mean the same) disease processes like retinitis pigmentosa and corneal regeneration, as well as musculoskeletal disorders like muscular dystrophy” ( // Articlesbase, 2010) **.** **(<-- very good citation, supports your argument superbly)** Stem cell research promises the cure for many diseases in a near future. //There were experiments done in mice who// (that) //were unable to walk __and stem cells__// __were implanted__ in their spinal cords ( ,stem cells were then implanted..) and they could walk again. This means that in a near future, body parts will be replaced and people will be able to walk again. (sounds like a false cause, sources?) **(you can rephrase it so it doesn't sound like false cause)** Even though stem cell research is a great deal for those who need a cure, it has its disadvantages **(eliminate disadvantages, remember you are ALL IN for stem cell research, instead write: and argument that opposes this is:...)** **(then explain why this argument is wrong-counterarguments)** regarding ethical issues. First of all, it is argued that stem cell research is a slippery slope to human cloning, in other words, it is cloning in a smaller degree, and cloning is considered, for many, unethical. (try to use different words instead of cloning) Second of all, the way the cells are obtained and transplanted is harmful. **[ I think you should rephrase the second of all, it does not sound professional]** The bone marrow transplant is hurtful and harms the body of the donor and the researches obtain the cells through the human embryos. (awk) **(run-on, rephrase)** This leads to the conclusion that those who are in favor of stem cell research are also in favor of human cloning. The above **(start with: These statements...)** statements are not reliable in terms of ethics because these methods are not necessarily true. First, stem cell research is not considered cloning because it repairs cells and changes the damaged ones for healthy ones. //“Clinics create more embryos than are needed over the course of a fertility treatment and are left with excess embryos that are often discarded.”// (Stem Cells). Lives are not being taken away because discarded embryos are used. **(<-- Good)** Concerning the pain and harm done to the body, there is anesthesia that makes the donors sleep through the process and not feel any pain at all. **(new paragraph-->)** The ethics behind this issue is that stem cell research is not an unethical process, based on all the characteristics and new methods implied that benefit the lives of many. People can be part of this treatment, without feeling that they are doing something morally wrong. This process promises many cures in the future, for many diseases that are taking away many lives in the present. Ever since it was discovered in 1978, it has benefitted many lives and it will keep on saving many in the years to come. **[ I think you should revise various grammatical errors. ]** (Try making a closing sentence that summarizes what you said throughout the paper.) **(revise last sentence, last few words a bit abrupt for closing)**

Bibliography //AAAS Policy Brief: Stem Cell Research//. (n.d.).March 25, 2009, http://www.aaas.org/spp/cstc/briefs/stemcells/ Reaves, J. (n.d.). //The Great Debate Over Stem Cell Research//. March 25, 2009, http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,167245,00.html //Stem Cells //. (n.d.). March 25, 2009, http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/health/diseasesconditionsandhealthtopics/stemcells/index.html Watson, S. (n.d.). //How Stem Cells Work//. March 25, 2009, []

1268785242 Your essay is quite interesting although there are many grammar mistakes that should be corrected. There are a couple of awkward sentence such as: "As new technology has aroused, so have new techniques, such that make life better for most of humanit". This kind of distract the reader and tend to make him or her lose focus. Another thing you must do is expand a little bit of who said what, Adding (Watson) as a citation is not powerful enough, you should explain who is him. Thirdly, your arguments against are quite vague and should have more specific examples and explanations. Try searching in the web some info about it. Finally, your conclusion is very weak. The introduction is excellent and you must also give it a grand finally.... Use Son of Citation to make the citation problem easier..... take care...=D

Your essay is well done, i liked the fact that you used various sources to claim your position and give it a lot of ethos. You have some minor grammatical errors yet you should include more ethical dilemmas regarding stem cell research. I liked your essay, it has a good opening statement, __Based on the characteristics of this research, it is not unethical due to the benefits it brings to many individuals who have acquired treatment.__ Don't forget your thesis should be clearly stated, there shouldn't be a need to underline. Remember that when properly citing your sources your period should be after the quote and the source like this: //“Clinics create more embryos than are needed over the course of a fertility treatment and are left with excess embryos that are often discarded,”// (Stem Cells). and not like this: //“Clinics create more embryos than are needed over the course of a fertility treatment and are left with excess embryos that are often discarded.”// (Stem Cells). (notice the period is after the parentheses and not after the quote. Overall, i think your essay has potential, just make sure you correct these mistakes :) 1268786703

**Comments By: Victor Garcia 1268863841 Actual Comment Was March 16 7:03 But was erased so reverted copied and everybody is happy :)

Overall the essay has good foundlings. I think the essay is interesting and when polished and edited the reader is not going to have any problem liking it. The major issues with the essay are in relation with the lack of explanation in some of the statements. We have to remember that in order to guarantee credibility we have to avoid the " things" explanation when we can explain what those things are. Assuring these the reader will have no doubt on the ethos of the essay.The topic is really interesting and with the correction of some ideas and grammatical mistakes this can make an outstanding and convincing essay. Another issue that you might try correcting is the excess of awkwardness in the middle paragraph Maybe the quotes have conflict with what you write because it is causing awkwardness. Way to go Sheila, you can make it shine in the Final Draft.**

Comment: I think that your essay needs a more appealing opening sentence. Your main ideas may need some more support with more citations. This is a topic in which you can extend and have a wider support of ideas. Your conclusion needs to restate and justify what you wrote through the whole essay so I think you need to add some more to it. Other than that your essay is very good. 1268789107

I like how you decided to write about a topic that is currently very controversial. You may have to add some more sources to show support for some of your claims. Switch some words around so that your sentences don't sound too repetitive. I like how you took a stand by your own opinion, you should however find out some more info. on the subject to better support your statements. Try to change your closing sentence to sum up what you were saying in the paper. Remember to restated your opinion and your evidence.1268795256

__Strengths__: Interesting topic. Topic catches the attention of the reader, since it is a new controversy in the medical field. This is the medicine of the future.
== __Weakness__: I think your weakest area is supportive information. You need to expand on your ideas and back them up with real life scenarios so the reader can be more entertained and can view your argument more clearly. == == __Other Suggestions:__ There is a minor amount of choppy sentences that needs rewording, which I have specified in a hard copy of your rough draft for your convenience. Also, one thing that I believe needs work in your first paragraph is the way you introduce the definition of a stem cell –you need to introduce it more smoothly to make your essay flow nicely from the start. Expand a bit on your counterarguments, providing examples. Try to elaborate as fully developed responses to your counterarguments as you can, for I believe this greatly influences the convincingness of your essay as a whole. 1268796060 ==

Sheilo, I really like your essay. I think you should mention that you are taking a utilitarian approach, stating that it is ethical because of its consequences and because it brings the best for the greatest number of people. You have to proofread your essay thoroughly, maybe ask someone else to help you, there are some other grammatical errors.  “ The bone marrow transplant is hurtful and harms the body of the donor and the researches obtain the cells through the human embryos.” You need parallelism. Others say that stem cell research is unethical because the bone marrow transplant harms the body of the donor and because the stem cells are obtained through human embryos. Overall, good quotes, maybe add some for the opposing argument. ~

**This definitely is one of the most interesting essays I have read, especially because I sympathize with your position on the issue. You arguments are well structured and your delivery is well done. You have some grammatical errors and have to work on your diction. Ask someone else to read it out loud to improve your writing further. Also, you should include smoother transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs. You have various sources which attributes credibility, and evidence to your essay and point of view.** ** Define how people are morally correct where I added a comment within your essay. Good job and keep uo the good work! Good luck on final draft, one of the best rough drafts I've read: its brief, concise, and to the point. Awesome! ** 1268804992

ROUGH DRAFT NUMBER TWO GOES DOWN HERE


 * Stem cell Research- The ethics behind the issue Sheila Sierra**


As new technology has risen, so have new techniques, such that make life better for humanity. One example of the contemporary era is stem cell research. //“////A stem cell is a "generic" cell that can make exact copies of itself indefinitely. In addition, a stem cell has the ability to produce specialized cells for various tissues in the body -- such as heart muscle, brain tissue, and liver tissue. Scientists are able to maintain stem cells forever, developing them into specialized cells as needed//” (Healthscout, 2009). Although this issue is controversial today, it brings many benefits to the individuals who depend on this source to save their lives. This newly discovered medical process promises the best results for the sick people, in which many lives are saved and the rates of survival are higher. The controversial question is whether or not this issue is unethical. Based on the characteristics of this research, it is not unethical due to the benefits it brings to many individuals who have acquired treatment. Stem cell research has benefitted many lives before and it will keep on helping many lives. Ever since stem cells were discovered in human cord blood in 1978, many promises were brought to humanity. It is a research that has saved many lives since it is a process that replaces defective cells in the body with new ones. //“Survival rates were highest (33 percent) for those bone marrow transplants with matched unrelated donors.”//(Sciencedaily, 2004) The survival rates for patients have increased ever since stem cell research is available through bone marrow transplant. //“Scientists are exploring less controversial avenues of research, using adult stem cells that are trained to act like embryonic stem cells.”// (Watson, n.d.) It is an ethical procedure since researchers and scientists are trying new, non harmful ways to perform these studies and cure diseases. To demonstrate the ethics in this process, doctors will test potential drugs and medicines without the use of animal and human testers, there will be no more hurtful, unethical testing on animals and humans, reducing the ethical controversy. With this “new discovery,” a limb and an organ can be grown in a lab all by itself, outside of the human or animal body. //“ Limbs and organs could be grown in a lab from stem cells and then used in transplants or to help treat illnesses.” // (Buzzle, 2010). These advancements benefit everyone, especially those who act “morally correct” according to the general denomination of the term, for example those who base their morals on religion. This research is working positively today, and it promises even more for the future of the ill people in the entire world. //“ Of course, there are dozens of other diseases stem cell research is also working on, including treatments for cancer and cardiovascular issues, vision or ocular disease processes like retinitis pigmentosa and corneal regeneration, as well as musculoskeletal disorders like muscular dystrophy.”( // Articlesbase, 2010) Stem cell research promises the cure for many diseases in a near future. There were experiments done in mice that could not walk and stem cells were implanted in their spinal cords and they could walk again. This means that in near future cells in specific body parts will be replaced and people will be able to have a healthier future. Stem cell research is a great deal for those who need a cure and it has demonstrated positive results in humans and animals, however, there are arguments that oppose this issue. First of all, it is argued that stem cell research is a slippery slope to human cloning, in other words, it is cloning in a smaller degree, and this duplication process is considered, for many, unethical. This leads to the conclusion that those who are in favor of stem cell research are also in favor of human cloning. Additionally, the way the cells are obtained and transplanted is harmful. The bone marrow transplant is hurtful and harms the body of the donor and the researches obtain the cells through the human embryos. //"A life is a life and that should never be compromised. A fertilized egg should be valued as a human life even if it is in its very first weeks. Destroying human life in the hopes of saving human life is not ethical." // (Stem Cell Research-Pros and Cons, 2008). Some believe that human life starts at the union of a sperm and egg. Thus, they believe that the usage of an embryo is killing a human being in order to save another. These statements are not reliable in terms of ethics because these methods are not necessarily true. First, stem cell research is not considered cloning because it repairs cells and changes the damaged ones for healthy ones. //“Clinics create more embryos than are needed over the course of a fertility treatment and are left with excess embryos that are often discarded.”// (Stem Cells, n.d.). Lives are not being taken away because discarded embryos are used. Concerning the pain and harm done to the body, there is anesthesia that makes the donors sleep through the process and not feel any pain at all. The ethics behind this issue is that stem cell research is not an unethical process, based on all the characteristics and new methods implied that benefit the lives of many. People can be part of this treatment, without feeling that they are doing something morally wrong. This process promises many cures in the future, for many diseases that are taking away many lives in the present. Ever since it was discovered in 1978, it has benefitted many lives and it will keep on saving many in the years to come.

=Bibliography = //AAAS Policy Brief: Stem Cell Research//. (n.d.).March 25, 2009, http://www.aaas.org/spp/cstc/briefs/stemcells/ Reaves, J. (n.d.). //The Great Debate Over Stem Cell Research//. March 25, 2009, http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,167245,00.html //<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif';">Stem Cells //<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman','serif';">. (n.d.). March 25, 2009, http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/health/diseasesconditionsandhealthtopics/stemcells/index.html Watson, S. (n.d.). //How Stem Cells Work//. March 25, 2009, http://science.howstuffworks.com/cellular-microscopic-biology/stem-cell5.htm //Stem Cell Research-Pros and Cons//. (2008). Retrieved 03 16, 2010, from Experiment Resources.com: http://www.experiment-resources.com/stem-cell-pros-and-cons.html