Euthanasia,+should+or+shouldn't+we?+-Rough+Draft


 * i was having problems submitting my peer evaluations so here is my corrections along with hedman's and jose luis, the two people who had submitted it before I started writing mine:**
 * Euthanasia: Should or shouldn't we? **
 * -David Jeong**

Euthanasia: A deliberate intervention undertaken with the express intention of ending a life, to relieve intractable sufferings (Harris, 2001, p.367).

If you are to be handicapped (wc, I think you could rephrase this first part) for the rest of your life, with unsupportable (wc) pain excruciating your body eternally, would you prefer to end your life and be released from the suffering or would you rather stay alive and suffer from the chronic pain? (try to give a better scenario, some handicapped people do not suffer as much as other injured people, say stomach cancer) The answer for this question might vary from person to person, but surely, once in the situation (awk), most of the people would prefer to die instead of being a breathing slab of meat. (some may perceive this final allusion as offensive) I'm not clear as to what the thesis here is: is it that you support some kind of euthanasia? are you in favour of allowing individuals to choose? are you saying that others do not have a right to prevent others from acting? Start off with a very very clear statement so that no doubt exists as to what you will argue for in your paper. And make it personal or meaningful, ie. speak about the laws in Honduras. Such a thesis statement might look like: The current laws in Honduras ought to be changed to allow individuals the right to consent to active euthanasia and if in the case that consent cannot be granted, the next of kin, in conjunction with the patient's physician, ought to be able to give such consent. Now that is a little too wordy, but something like that is more clear and outlines what you plan to persuade your readers. 1268857109

(Mention the two ways there are of euthanasia, passive and active and the difference between each) Euthanasia seems (wc, try not to use "seems") to be easy; death by injecting lethal substance to the patient or unplugging the machine where the patient’s life depends on. However, euthanasia is conducted after many agreements and thorough (wc) examinations to ensure the inability of the patient to recover from present state. Today, (remove comma) in 2010, there are only a few countries that allow euthanasia to be conducted legally; these countries are: Albania, Belgium, Japan, Luxembourg, Netherland, Switzerland and United States (Wikipedia, 2009). In most states of the United States, euthanasia is considered illegal. The only states where euthanasia is legal are Oregon and Washington. Euthanasia is still a controversial debate in many countries. (awk) The list above only includes countries that legally allow active euthanasia to be performed. (you already said that its was legal in those countries) Active euthanasia entails the use of lethal substances or forces to kill and is the most controversial means. An individual may use a euthanasia machine to perform active voluntary euthanasia on himself/herself (Wikipedia, 2010). Some countries, such as Mexico, allow only passive euthanasia, which entails the withholding of common treatments necessary for the continuance of life (Lundin, 2009).

Director Michael Moore launched his documentary “Sicko” in 2007, which dealt with one of the greatest factors that influence the euthanasia decision to be made, pecuniary (i dont think this word should be used to state what you are trying to convey) (wc) motives. (not correctly worded) (awk) Sicko deals about the high cost medical bills that limit the access of the citizens to a health center. It is an undeniable fact that people requiring medical equipment’s support to be able to be alive (rephrase sentence) have to pay an unbearable amount of money (New York Times, 2007). Supporters of patients suffering from chronic disease or ailment inevitably go bankrupt after some time of financial support. President Obama and many other politicians are trying to reform the cost control in the health care industry. One idea that politicians on //neither the left nor the right// (rephrase sentence) will touch due to political sensibilities, however, it could be the easiest way to save billions of dollars without affecting health care quality at all: legalizing euthanasia (Smith, 2007). (expand) explain what this quote means to the entire population in that country. Saving money wouldn't be my first argument in favour of euthanasia unless you make it very clear that the patient has given consent, wants to die, is of sound mind and suffering terribly from a condition deemed fatal. 1268950119

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” –First Amendment. People are to make free decisions and those decisions are to be respected. If you know you are a useless disturbance to the fellow family members and unbearable pain is to excruciate your body, would you decide to die, to relieve from pain and allow a new path for your beloved family? Our society had demanded for individual rights over the past centuries, but in terms of euthanasia, family members just ** would not ** (when writing a formal essay, dont joint two words together) let the patient die, even though it is the patient’s desire to face demise (wc). In 2006, an Italian activist Piergiorgio Welby, publicly declared his wish to refuse the medical treatment that kept him alive (Fisher, 2006). His claims were refused by both the church and the government. After years of claims and demands, he was given the right to die, the first euthanasia performed in Italy. As seen in this case, people’s decisions are to be respected to full extent; after all it is the patient’s choice to die. Euthanasia should be performed with the consent of the patient (expand) this sentence ought to be the first sentence of this paragraph to give a reader a hint of what you'll be talking about in this paragraph.

Concerning the supporters and family members, euthanasia is the right choice to be made, not only in pecuniary (wc) terms but also in mental health of the relatives. “Although some stress may have a positive effect on us, excessive or prolonged stress can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion” (Mental Health Foundation, 2001). Maintaining the patient breathing is morally right, but no one can prevent the insidious decline of the family structures. A body in delicate conditions in the house is enough to produce stress on a person. A person under stress is less likely to perform well on daily activities and fail to give his or her full potential at work (Viner, 1999, p. 391). Supporters of a chronic ill person state that it would be a relief if the patient ceases to exist, but fear that this kind of action would be too unethical. If the patient dies after a long-time struggle, the family members are more likely to suffer from bad physical conditions and ailment rather than relief gained by discarding a source of stress. (expand) Again you will have to stress that the patient wants to die... same conditions as previous comment; otherwise, making life more bearable for a patient's relatives, is, by itself, not a very strong argument; unless of course, it is preceded by the patient's wishes. 1268950119

Have you ever imagined being in a situation where your voice is muted and your gestures, even your blinks, are paralyzed? You can hear everything people around you say, just cannot respond, and hear that the people are willing to end your life. It is not your will to die, but how to tell them? People against euthanasia frequently claim euthanasia to be unethical because it end (ends) the life of one when he or she might still be struggling to survive. Every cell tries to regulate its internal environment and tend to maintain a stable condition (Marieb & Hoehn, 2007). The definition of Homeostasis (when was this word used above?) given above explains all. It is an instinct of every organism to survive, even in the harshest conditions by maintaining stable inner conditions.

Cells by nature try to survive, Human are made of cells, Therefore, humans by nature try to survive. (nice syllogism! Check for validity...)

According to the syllogism above, human, which is made of cells, must have the same behavior of a cell, which in this case is the effort to survive. But how can we know for certain it is the patient’s will to survive? It is impossible to tell in case the body is not responding absolutely to any stimuli. Cells are organisms, I agree, and killing is considered unethical in every culture’s standards. Killing unethical? Not really. Killing in self defense is considered ok by many; killing in time of war as well. Premeditated murder may be considered universally unethical, but even then you'd need to source that assertion. 1268950119 Those who claim killing is unethical and therefore euthanasia should be banned should know that the expected lifespan of the diagnosed patient is not long, and besides, the body suffers unbearable pain while it is alive. (awk) This is mercy killing, to understand the circumstances and end the life, which will bring positive consequences to both sides. The body will suffer pain no more (rephrase sentence) and the relatives will have one of the sources of stress exterminated. Euthanasia should be allowed, but thoroughly inspected beforehand to prevent it from being used in wrong purposes and from taking advantage. (expand)

My opinion on euthanasia is categorical; euthanasia should be allowed but inspected beforehand. I might not have enough experience to judge whether it is wrong or right. (refrain from using personal references) I would never understand the feelings of a relative of a sick one on the border of life and death before experiencing one myself. (WRITING A PERSUASIVE ESSAY IS TO HELP CONVEY WHAT YOUR POSITION IS, DONT USE ANY PERSONAL REFERENCES WHEN TRYING TO STATE YOUR POSITION) Without a doubt euthanasia is a double sided blade, with its pros and cons. The society is not yet ready to adopt euthanasia, or maybe it just fears euthanasia to be used in evil (WORD CHOICE) purposes, such as attempt to overtake a relative’s fortune and properties. It is hard to find a balance in this sensitive matter, and the debate shall last for a couple of centuries more. People should be given the freedom to choose whether to die or not, just as the freedom to vote or speak. expand) (RESTATE YOUR THESIS NOT IN PERSONAL MANNER BUT BY USING THE EVIDENCE YOU HAVE ALREADY SHOWN)

References Fisher, I. (December 21, 2006). //Euthanasia Advocate in// //Italy// //Dies.// Retrieved from :[|New York Times]

Harris, NM. (Oct 2001). "//The euthanasia debate//.". J R Army Med Corps 147 (3) p.367–70

Lundin, L. (2009-08-02). //[|"YOUthanasia"]//. Criminal Brief. Retrieved from: []

Marieb, E & Hoehn, K (2007). //Human Anatomy & Physiology// //(Seventh ed.)//. San Francisco, CA: Pearson Benjamin Cummings.

Mental Health Foundation. (2000). //Stress.// Retrieved from: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/mental-health-a-z/stress/

New York Times. (2007, November 25). //The high cost of health care.// Retrieved from: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/25/opinion/25sun1.html

Smith, J. (2009, June 20). //[|Save Money by Killing the Sick: Euthanasia as Health Care Cost Containment Not Such a Parody as the Author May Think].// Retrieved from: http://www.firstthings.com/blogs/secondhandsmoke/2009/06/20/save-money-by-killing-the-sick-euthanasia-as-health-care-cost-containment-not-such-a-parody-as-the-author-may-think/

Viner, R. (1999). //[|Putting Stress in Life: Hans Selye and the Making of Stress Theory] Social Studies of Science//, Vol. 29, No. 3. (Jun., 1999), pp. 391-410 Wikipedia. (2010, March 8). //Legality of Euthanasia.// Retrieved from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legality_of_euthanasia

Introduction: The introduction is effective in capturing the reader's attention. However, it should be expanded. I think it would be beneficial if both the first and second paragraph are joined together. Body: Overall, the arguments used are strong. Nice use of syllogisms! I feel like the essay lacks support to many of the claims presented. When writing the final draft, it is necessary for the writer to expand on his thoughts and ideas by providing supporting evidence. Conclusion: Again, ideas should be expanded. In addition, it is better if the conclusion is written from an objective point of view and not a personal point of view. The writer can definitely produce a high quality essay... keep working hard! 1268513727
 * General Comments: **

Comment: I think that the opening sentence for the essay could be more attractive. Ideas should be presented in the introduction before you expand them. Also most of the ideas in the paragraphs should be expanded. Euthanasia is an interesting topic and you could have a lot more supporting information backing up many of the ideas already presented. 1268782686

(I LIKED YOUR ESSAY, IT MAKES VERY GOOD REFERENCES AND LEAVES THE REASDER LINGERING ON WHAT TO DO, BUT THAT IS ACCORDING TO THEIR OWN MORAL STANDARDS, MORAL CHOICES. HOWEVER, THERE WERE SOME GRAMMATICAL MISTAKES THAT SHOULD BE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT. WHEN RESTATING YOUR THESIS, YOU SHOULDNT MAKE PERSONAL REFERENCES, AFTER ALL YOU ARE TRYING TO PERSUADE THE READER WITH YOUR INFORMATION NOT BY YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS. //My opinion on euthanasia is categorical; euthanasia should be allowed but inspected beforehand. I might not have enough experience to judge whether it is wrong or right. I would never understand the feelings of a relative of a sick one on the border of life and death before experiencing one myself.// OTHERWISE IT WAS WELL DONE, JUST FIXZ THOSE MINOR ERRORS AND YOU'LL DO GREAT ON YOUR FINAL DRAFT :) 1268785285

**Euthanasia: Should or shouldn't we?**
 * -David Jeong**

Euthanasia: A deliberate intervention undertaken with the express intention of ending a life, to relieve intractable sufferings (Harris, 2001, p.367).

If you are to be handicapped (wc, I think you could rephrase this first part) for the rest of your life, with unsupportable (wc) pain excruciating your body eternally, would you prefer to end your life and be released from the suffering or would you rather stay alive and suffer from the chronic pain? (I like how you incorporate a question at the beginning because the reader can feel involved.) The answer for this question might vary from person to person, but surely, once in the situation (awk), most of the people would prefer to die instead of being a breathing slab of meat. (some may perceive this final allusion as offensive)

Euthanasia seems (wc, try not to use "seems") to be easy; death by injecting lethal substance to the patient or unplugging the machine where the patient’s life depends on. However, euthanasia is conducted after many agreements and thorough (wc) examinations to ensure the inability of the patient to recover from present state. Today, in 2010, there are only a few countries that allow euthanasia to be conducted legally; these countries are: Albania, Belgium, Japan, Luxembourg, Netherland, Switzerland and United States (Wikipedia, 2009). (I like the concrete evidence.) In most states of the United States, euthanasia is considered illegal. The only states where euthanasia is legal are Oregon and Washington. Euthanasia is still a controversial debate in many countries. (awk) The list above only includes countries that legally allow active euthanasia to be performed. (you already said that its was legal in those countries) Active euthanasia entails the use of lethal substances or forces to kill and is the most controversial means. An individual may use a euthanasia machine to perform active voluntary euthanasia on himself/herself (Wikipedia, 2010). Some countries, such as Mexico, allow only passive euthanasia, which entails the withholding of common treatments necessary for the continuance of life (Lundin, 2009). (could have a sentence to paraphrase.)

Director Michael Moore launched his documentary “Sicko” in 2007, which dealt with one of the greatest factors that influence the euthanasia decision to be made, pecuniary (wc) motives. (not correctly worded) (awk) Sicko deals __about__ (with?) the high cost medical bills that limit the access of the citizens to a health center. It is an undeniable fact that people requiring medical equipment’s support to be able to be alive have to pay an unbearable amount of money (New York Times, 2007). Supporters of patients suffering from chronic disease or ailment inevitably go bankrupt after some time of financial support. President Obama and many other politicians are trying to reform the cost control in the health care industry. One idea that politicians on neither the left nor the right will touch due to political sensibilities, however, could be the easiest way to save billions of dollars without affecting health care quality at all: legalizing euthanasia (Smith, 2007). (expand)

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.” –First Amendment. People are to make free decisions and those decisions are to be respected. If you know you are a useless disturbance to the fellow family members and unbearable pain is to excruciate your body, would you decide to die, to relieve from pain and allow a new path for your beloved family? Our society had demanded for individual rights over the past centuries, but in terms of euthanasia, family members just wouldn’t let the patient die, even though it is the patient’s desire to face demise (wc). In 2006, an Italian activist Piergiorgio Welby, publicly declared his wish to refuse the medical treatment that kept him alive (Fisher, 2006). His claims were refused by both the church and the government. After years of claims and demands, he was given the right to die, the first euthanasia performed in Italy. As seen in this case, (the case doesn't prove that people's decisions are to be respected, need more proof) people’s decisions are to be respected to full extent; after all it is the patient’s choice to die. Euthanasia should be performed with the consent of the patient (expand)

Concerning the supporters and family members (specify, the Piergiorgio's?), euthanasia is the right choice to be made, not only in pecuniary (wc) terms but also in mental health of the relatives. “Although some stress may have a positive effect on us, excessive or prolonged stress can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion” (Mental Health Foundation, 2001). Maintaining the patient breathing is morally right, but no one can prevent the insidious decline of the family structures. A body in delicate conditions in the house is enough to produce stress on a person. A person under stress is less likely to perform well on daily activities and fail to give his or her full potential at work (Viner, 1999, p. 391). Supporters of a chronic ill person state that it would be a relief if the patient ceases to exist, but fear that this kind of action would be too unethical. If the patient dies after a long-time struggle, the family members are more likely to suffer from bad physical conditions and ailment rather than relief gained by discarding a source of stress. (expand)

Have you ever imagined being in a situation where your voice is muted and your gestures, even your blinks, are paralyzed? You can hear everything people around you say, just cannot respond, and hear that the people are willing to end your life. (support it with factual evidence) It is not your will to die, but how to tell them? People against euthanasia frequently claim euthanasia to be unethical because it end (ends) the life of one when he or she might still be struggling to survive. Every cell tries to regulate its internal environment and tend to maintain a stable condition (Marieb & Hoehn, 2007). The definition of Homeostasis given above explains all. It is an instinct of every organism to survive, even in the harshest conditions by maintaining stable inner conditions.

Cells by nature try to survive, Human are made of cells, Therefore, humans by nature try to survive. (nice syllogism! Check for validity...)

According to the syllogism above, human, which is made of cells, must have the same behavior of a cell, which in this case is the effort to survive. But how can we know for certain it is the patient’s will to survive? It is impossible to tell in case the body is not responding absolutely to any stimuli. Cells are organisms, I agree (awk?), and killing is considered unethical on every culture’s standards. Those who claim killing is unethical and therefore euthanasia should be banned should know that the expected lifespan of the diagnosed patient is not long, and besides, the body suffers unbearable pain while it is alive. (awk) This is mercy killing, to understand the circumstances and end the life, which will bring positive consequences to both sides. The body will suffer pain no more and the relatives will have one of the sources of stress exterminated. Euthanasia should be allowed, but thoroughly inspected beforehand to prevent it from being used in wrong purposes. (expand)

My opinion on euthanasia is categorical; euthanasia should be allowed but inspected beforehand. I might not have enough experience to judge whether it is wrong or right. (refrain from using personal references) (But you should be sure of your decisions!) I would never understand the feelings of a relative of a sick one on the border of life and death before experiencing one myself. Without a doubt euthanasia is a double sided blade, with its pros and cons. The society is not yet ready to adopt euthanasia, or maybe it just fears euthanasia to be used in evil purposes, such as attempt to overtake a relative’s fortune and properties. It is hard to find a balance in this sensitive matter, and the debate shall last for a couple of centuries more. People should be given the freedom to choose whether to die or not, just as the freedom to vote or speak. expand)

I think that you are in the right path to a great essay! You just need to fix some minor errors. First of all, state your thesis statement more clearly, since I couldn't find it. Also, for the body, you need more quotes and proof so your arguments are supported and result more credible. In the conclusion, you should use personal references. I really like the beginning, even though it had a part that may result offensive to some. Well done! -Janelle Andonie

References Fisher, I. (December 21, 2006). //Euthanasia Advocate in Italy Dies.// Retrieved from : [|New York Times]

Harris, NM. (Oct 2001). "//The euthanasia debate//.". J R Army Med Corps 147 (3) p.367–70

Lundin, L. (2009-08-02). // [|"YOUthanasia"] //. Criminal Brief. Retrieved from: [] Marieb, E & Hoehn, K (2007). //Human Anatomy & Physiology// //(Seventh ed.)//. San Francisco, CA: Pearson Benjamin Cummings.

Mental Health Foundation. (2000). //Stress.// Retrieved from: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/information/mental-health-a-z/stress/

New York Times. (2007, November 25). //The high cost of health care.// Retrieved from: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/25/opinion/25sun1.html

Smith, J. (2009, June 20). // [|Save Money by Killing the Sick: Euthanasia as Health Care Cost Containment Not Such a Parody as the Author May Think] .// Retrieved from: http://www.firstthings.com/blogs/secondhandsmoke/2009/06/20/save-money-by-killing-the-sick-euthanasia-as-health-care-cost-containment-not-such-a-parody-as-the-author-may-think/ Viner, R. (1999). // [|Putting Stress in Life: Hans Selye and the Making of Stress Theory] Social Studies of Science//, Vol. 29, No. 3. (Jun., 1999), pp. 391-410 Wikipedia. (2010, March 8). //Legality of Euthanasia.// Retrieved from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legality_of_euthanasia

Introduction: The introduction is effective in capturing the reader's attention. However, it should be expanded. I think it would be beneficial if both the first and second paragraph are joined together. Body: Overall, the arguments used are strong. Nice use of syllogisms! I feel like the essay lacks support to many of the claims presented. When writing the final draft, it is necessary for the writer to expand on his thoughts and ideas by providing supporting evidence. Conclusion: Again, ideas should be expanded. In addition, it is better if the conclusion is written from an objective point of view and not a personal point of view. The writer can definitely produce a high quality essay... keep working hard! 1268513727
 * General Comments: **

Comment: I think that the opening sentence for the essay could be more attractive. Ideas should be presented in the introduction before you expand them. Also most of the ideas in the paragraphs should be expanded. Euthanasia is an interesting topic and you could have a lot more supporting information backing up many of the ideas already presented. 1268782686 Eun Young Jeon: Your essay is overall a good essay. This has some minor mistakes that can be fixed. The essay has a good structure and the questions are very good because it gives a chance to the reader to be involved. The only concern is the last paragraph. You, as the author of this essay should be certain of your decisions. You MUST be sure because that's what you're the defending.

= __Strengths__: Interesting topic; interesting point of view; Convincing argument. Good beginning: anything but ordinary. Creative, original, and straight to the point. = = __Weaknesses__: The weakest part of your essay, I believe, is transitions. There are lacks of transitions in several parts that affect the fluidity of your essay, making it sound choppy in parts. Focusing more on transitions will smoothen your essay and make it more appealing to the reader. = = __Other Areas to Improve__: Be careful with your diction, for it can be taken as offensive by those that don’t agree with your thesis. You must also expand some ideas, which I have specifically pointed out on a hard copy of your essay, together with some grammatical suggestions. = == There is minor redundancy. You have introduced some new concepts in your conclusion that you did not discuss on your body, which may cause the reader to miss a part of your thesis, so I advise you to create new paragraphs in which you address those arguments. 1268796996 ==